


will you save me, or will you breathe in my ear?

by itsinjustbeing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsinjustbeing/pseuds/itsinjustbeing
Summary: Dean hums to himself in purgatoryHe does it almost immediately after he and Cas reunites, chirpy from having his angel back. Cas notices, recognizes that Dean is humming a song he has heard once, maybe in the impala, although he's not sure. Dean is still wary and alert, of course, what with all the monsters they suddenly attract now that monster beacon Castiel is on their side, but there is a buoyancy in his steps too.In which Cas thinks of Dean in Purgatory.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	will you save me, or will you breathe in my ear?

**Author's Note:**

> The finale fucked me up and over so I wrote a fic about my favorite supernatural arc to cheer myself up

Dean hums to himself in purgatory 

He does it almost immediately after he and Cas reunites, chirpy from having his angel back. Cas notices, recognizes that Dean is humming a song he has heard once, maybe in the impala, although he's not sure. Dean is still wary and alert, of course, what with all the monsters they suddenly attract now that monster beacon Castiel is on their side, but there is a buoyancy in his steps too. 

Castiel thinks back to every prayer Dean has said in purgatory, from the initial anger of _Damn it Cas where the hell are you?,_ to _Cas, I found a way out, I'll find you and get us out of here,_ _capiche?_ to the nights of pure desperation, when Dean would just pray _Please please please be alive Cas please please please_ over and over and over again. Cas often wondered during those nights if Dean was even aware of his prayers, or if it was just his longing that Cas heard.

\-------

Cas doesn't sleep in Purgatory, and neither does Benny. He doesn't know much about how time works in here, the days inconsistent, the nights seemingly unable to follow a concrete pattern,but he knows that Dean sleeps a few hours once every few days. Which is fine, for the most part, except Dean refuses to sleep without Cas beside him. Even after arguments of _Dean, it is safer if I circle the perimeter while Benny looks after you. The monsters see me clearly, it is not safe to sit beside you all night,_ Dean refuses, says he won't sleep if it meant Cas wasn't beside him, that Benny can keep them safe. Deep down, Cas knows why Dean is doing this. 

He's terrified Cas would leave again.

Cas let's Dean have this one thing. 

At first, it was just sitting side by side while Dean leans back against a tree for some eye-shut. One time, Cas stood up for a minute, and Dean must have sensed the warmth fizzle out beside him because he was almost instantly on his feet too, shouting Cas' name. When he found Cas pacing around a few feet away, Dean looked more terrified than Cas has ever seen him in his life. 

Dean started refusing to sleep if he wasn't holding on to Cas. Sometimes it was just his arm, other times, Dean would wrap himself around Cas' waist. Cas never mentioned it. Dean never mentioned it. One time Benny came back from circling the perimeter of where they were staying earlier than usual, and he found Cas and Dean huddled together, Dean with his arm wrapped around the angel, Cas' back flushed against the human's chest. Benny got it in that moment, why Dean spent almost a year looking for the angel, his angel. Benny looked away. He never mentioned it, too. 

Cas tries not to think about the way Dean's face contorted in horror at the thought of Cas being gone when he woke up. Cas tries not to think about how terrified Dean will look when he leaves him again. 

\---------

So Cas doesn't want to go back to Earth, doesn't want to be safe up there when he has caused so much destruction, so much ruin. Big deal. It's not like the portal is going to take on him anyhow. _Try,_ a voice in his head says. _Try anyway. For him. For Dean_. Cas thinks about it. He thinks and thinks and thinks. Dean still holds him in his sleep. Dean still hums when they have a moment of relative peace from monsters during their treks. Dean slices his way through purgatory, to the portal, to their way out. Dean doesn't know that Cas isn't coming. 

\-------

Cas stops thinking. He has made up his mind. 

\-------

_Come on!_

Cas turns to Dean, standing, one foot in the portal. Cas takes one last look, the last time he'll ever see Dean. He knows this, has known this for long, and yet the pit on his stomach still blossoms.

_I got you, hold on!_

Cas does what Dean says. He holds on. Dean's grip is tight, firm on his arm. Cas hesitates for a second. Dean looks terrified. He wonders if maybe, _just maybe,_ he should hold on. Maybe the portal will take him after all, maybe he can repent for his sins on Earth, with Dean, just to take that terrified look off of Dean's face. But then he remembers himself, remembers what he has done, remembers that Leviathans are after them, and holding on to Dean is just holding Dean back from safety. Dean needs to leave, away from all of this. 

Away from Cas. 

_Dean._

Cas loosens his grip on Dean's arm. He wishes he could explain himself. _It's not your fault, Dean._ He wants to say. _I don't deserve to be saved._

_Hold on!_

Dean grips his arm even tighter this time. He thinks of every single time Dean has held him, of the nights in purgatory when the howling of werewolves mingled with Dean's breath on his ear. He thinks of how Dean is holding onto him now, full of desperation, full of distress. Cas loves him, and hates him, for this. 

_Dean,_

Cas pushes Dean's grip away. He wants to look away, wants to never see Dean look as heartbroken as he does now. Except he can't. He looks and looks and looks, until finally, he gets one word out. 

_Go._

_\-------_

Cas watches as the portal closes. He stares at the void it left. 

_Cas_

He hears it, Dean's prayer. It's fuzzy. He figures no one anticipated a human praying to an angel stuck in purgatory.

_I'll get you out of there Cas._

Cas smiles at this, a painful one. Dean really has no give in him. For a moment he wishes he could pray back, just this once. 

_I'm gonna get you home._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic, so thank you very much for reading. Kudos and comments are beyond appreciated. This is kind of based on the song Iyong by Ang Bandang Shirley. Find me on tumblr @deancascore


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